


He Doesn’t Realize

by Fandomtrash_oof



Series: Sleepyboisinc Stories <3 [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Adrenaline Junkie, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Attempt at Humor, Attempted Kidnapping, Brotherhood, Brothers, Dave | Technoblade and Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, Don’t follow his actions!, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Humor, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Its okay though I promise, Language, Mentions of Suicide, Not really though, Older Sibling Wilbur Soot, One Shot, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Worth Issues, Short One Shot, Some Humor, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit Friendship, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Swears (Video Blogging RPF), be safe, do as I say not as I do kind of thing!, i guess, just there’s no reason for this to exist, just thought I’d put it down anyway, not in a bad way, only one sentence though, platonic, this story is weird, you can seriously hurt yourself! Seriously!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27060187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandomtrash_oof/pseuds/Fandomtrash_oof
Summary: Tommy has a hard time realizing that his actions can hurt those around him.
Relationships: DNI SHIPPERS, Dave | Technoblade & TommyInnit, Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, No Romantic Relationship(s), No Slash - Relationship, None, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, go away shippers
Series: Sleepyboisinc Stories <3 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998781
Comments: 112
Kudos: 1775
Collections: Completed stories I've read, MCYT Fic Rec





	1. I. A Little Too Close to the Edge

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very indulgent fan fiction, I’m imposing my thoughts and feelings onto Tommy. It can be considered a vent, as these are about things I struggle with. This will be about struggling with self-worth and anxiety. I’ve been recently thinking about how I do many dangerous things. I put myself in bad situations for the hell of it as an adrenaline junkie. But I never understand how putting myself in danger can hurt the people in my life. That getting seriously injured or even killed can damage my friends and family. I’m still learning, but I falter at times. And these story’s are to help me vent and explain through a character, Tommy. As this is supposed to be about their personas and not them as real people. This is completely platonic! Don’t ship real people and don’t sexualize! If you do, please don’t engage and please reflect on yourself. I’m a minor as well, and I know damn well I wouldn’t want to be treated the same way Tommy and Tubbo are by some parts of the community. Be kind, thoughtful, and respectful of content creators wishes! And as always, I’ll take this down if any of the content creators shown are uncomfortable with this. :)

“...that’s why I think short people don’t deserve rights,” Tommy finishes his weird explanatory monologue. The blonde takes a sip from his drink through the brightly colored straw. He looks up at the three other men he’s seated with, his face is light and jovial as he drinks.

The others have slightly different reactions. 

Techno expression is dull, the epitome of “are you shitting me?” His head is resting on his hand lazily. His long, pink hair is tied neatly into a braid. Techno sits directly across from Tommy at the table in the food court at the mall they were at.

Phil, who’s sitting next to the blue eyed boy, looks amused and lets out quiet huffs of laughter. His dirty blonde hair peeks out from under the green and white striped bucket hat. 

And finally, there’s Wilbur, who is sitting diagonally to Tommy. He has a hand clasped over his mouth and quiet wheezing giggles can be heard. His brown, curly hair bouncing slightly with every laugh. Once his laughter ceases he fixes his circle framed glasses.

“Oh my god, Tommy, what the fuck was that?” Wilbur cackles.

“I’m being serious! Someone below 6 feet? are they even a person at that point?” Tommy exclaims while dropping the straw from his mouth, his lips curling into a mischievous grin. 

“You’re only saying that because you're freakishly tall! All of you are, what the hell is in your genes, the Empire State Building?” Phil groans exasperatedly. Phil may be the oldest in the rag tag group of brothers, but he does happen to be the shortest. And god, the others never let him forget it. 

“If you’re short, just get taller,” Techno offers a small grin, and he speaks with his usual monotone voice. “It’s not that hard, get a load of this guy,” Techno points a thumb at Phil comedically. Phil can’t help but laugh, it was so stupid, he couldn’t help it.

“See! A man with intelligence, you love to see it!” Tommy’s grin widens as he gestures to the pink haired man. Techno rolls his eyes, but a teeny tiny fond smile appears on his face. 

More banter and jokes were thrown around making some of the boys laugh until their stomachs hurt, begging the others to stop because it hurt so much. They were getting a little boisterous and people were giving them dirty looks. But the four couldn’t care less, it wasn’t often that the little family could all spend the day together like they were. 

Someone was always busy with something, Tommy had school and hung out with his friends a lot. Wilbur also spent a lot of time with friends but he also got very busy writing and making his lovely music. Techno, well, Techno hardly left his room. He always could be found there, nose in some type of book. He also played video games a lot, mostly this one block game. He couldn’t put it down half the time. Then Phil, the oldest, the father, the senile old man. The maturest one, the one that acted like an actual adult, even though two members of the entourage were adults as well. He was usually at work, cleaning, cooking, looking after the others. The man has a lot on his plate, give him a break.

But because of everyone’s tight schedules, the chance for the four of them to do something together was limited. This small, insignificant trip to the mall together was treated like a two week Disneyland trip. It was a big deal. 

The group decided to get some food before leading and that’s where they are now. Each of them finished their food awhile ago, but they didn’t have the heart to get up and end their outing. But eventually, they had to leave and Phil was the first to get up and start grabbing all their trash to be tossed. Tommy took the odd liberty of helping him out, hey Tommy’s a nice guy, he doesn’t mind helping out the old man once in a while. After everything was thrown out, bags and belongings were picked up and they began heading back to their car. It was in a parking garage on the other side of the mall, they actually liked that. 

“This was fun, we should really start doing this more,” Tommy speaks up, readjusting the bag with a popular store brand on the front. 

“Wow, that was actually such a nice thing to say Tom-“ Wilbur starts before being cut off by Tommy.

“Life’s pretty lame without you losers doing something dumb for my entertainment.”

“And there it is,” Wilbur sighs. “And for a second I thought you were a good person. I was sorely mistaken.”

Tommy, who was walking in front of everyone, looks back and sticks out his tongue. It’s childish sure, but Tommy doesn’t care, his point got across didn’t it? His point landed home when Wilbur frowns before returning the childish expression. 

“I love how Tommy acts like he ain’t the biggest loser in this group,” Techno laughs and the other two adults laugh as well. Leaving a disgruntled Tommy.

“And how you act like you aren’t a lame bastard,” Tommy retorts. Techno just looks at the younger boy with an indescribable expression. Tommy feared for his life at that moment.

“Oooh, Techno are you gonna let the gremlin child get away with that?” Wilbur taunts. 

Phil understands there’s no real conflict, it’s not like Techno to get genuinely upset over a little comment. And he’s right, all Techno does is move closer to Tommy before flicking him in the back of the head. Tommy yelps and Techno wheezes.

“Yup, biggest loser,” Techno says proudly.

“I’ll kick your ass!” Tommy challenges loudly making the people they were walking past glance over in concern. But once they see a really tall child getting angry and three guys laughing, they look away. 

“I’d like to see you try, you know who you're talking to? What do you always call me? The blade? Do you really want to mess with The Blade?” Techno squints his eyes while looking at Tommy. 

“God, your impossible,” Tommy rolls his eyes and looks away. 

“I’m impossible? That’s the funniest thing you’ve ever said in your life. Your magnum opus right there,” Techno jokes.

“Tommy, you say that acting like there isn’t a whole ass Tommyinnit that exists!” Wilbur can’t help but interject.

“This is bullying you asshats. Phil! They’re being mean, tell them to stop!” Tommy whines to the shorter bucket hat wearing man, like a little kid would to their parent. 

Phil finds himself split between being a brother and joining in on the bullying and taunting of his younger brother, or taking the role of father and telling them to be nice to each other. He goes with the latter rather reluctantly.

“Yeah, guys cut it out. The child’s getting upset,” but Phil can’t help but throw in a jab himself. Of course this is all fun and games and no feelings are actually being hurt. 

“Are you kidding?! Even you! I thought you were my Big P, my Phil, my Philza, what the fuck?!” Tommy complains and three distinct sounds of laughter can be heard.

“Whatever, you guys are so annoying I didn’t get to finish what I was just saying. God, I was thinking we should do this more often. Plan a day to hang out every week, I think that’d be pretty pog,” Tommy shrugs, effectively changing the subject from all the bullying.

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” Wilbur agrees.

“That sounds perfect, mate. It can be like a family day every Friday or something?” Phil suggests.

“Eh, Friday? I got things to do, what about Sunday’s?” Techno voiced his opinion.

“I’m fine with Sunday’s,” The oldest nods. And the other two agree as well. They were finally approaching the conjecture combining the mall to the parking garage. It was this neat little bridge that was outside, you could see the cars driving underneath and the sun setting just over the horizon. The sky was filled with gorgeous yellows and oranges. The quartet stopped on this bridge to admire the view. The bridge had benches and some potted plants with greenery for decoration. It was quite nice. 

Phil decides to take a seat on one of the benches, followed by Wilbur and Techno. Tommy decides to stay standing after setting his bags down with the others. Tommy stands off to the side while the three start up another conversation. Tommy chooses to tune it out. He has started to feel a little lethargic after being out all day. But he doesn’t want to sit down, he can’t anymore as there’s no more room left anyway. And the last thing he wants to do is sit on the floor and be called a little kid for doing so. So he stands, listening to their voices, again, he’s not listening, listening. They sound like the adults from Charlie Brown to him right now. 

Tommy turns around and leans against the bridge's thick railings. They weren’t like metal railings, more like tall things made to stop people from falling off and it was made out of the same material as the wall and what looks like the floor. 

Then, something strange happened. Well, it’s not strange for Tommy, but if he attempted to explain it to someone they’d call him nuts. He felt a sudden urge to do something not so safe. He felt bored, but it was a more intense version of boredom, he felt dead. He just didn’t feel alive, and he likes to prove he's alive by doing things that risk his safety. Because there’s no better way to realize that you're alive than by Ding Dong Ditching at death's front door. 

So he did what his brain told him to do, like he couldn’t control his actions at that moment.

He picked himself up, his arms supporting his weight as he climbed on top of the railing. It was about 4-5 feet wide, so Tommy made that his mental excuse as to why he did it. It looked safe enough, and it did to him, in the moment. He raised a black jean covered knee to be over on top and pulled the rest of himself up. He sat on his knees and looked over the ledge at the gigantic drop. A descent eight story drop he’d say. He stared down at the cars whizzing below and the people walking that looked like little ants from where he was.

Tommy was perched and he leaned out even farther for a reason he couldn’t think of. He isn’t suicidal, he knows he’s not. He just wants to do dangerous things for the adrenaline that he gets from it. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, thinking damn, he could fall at any second and that would be that. He also loved heights, so viewing down made him smile. 

He was probably sitting there for only thirty seconds before he feels someone grab the back of his red and white baseball tee and pull him backwards. He fell off the ledge on the safe side and straight into a pair of arms that caught him. He was released and then spun around to face a pretty distraught looking Wilbur. Techno and Phil were standing right behind him with worried expressions.

“Tommy! What the hell was that?” Wilbur’s voice didn’t sound angry despite the words being spoken. It was more shaky and nervous. 

“I, uh, don’t really know,” Tommy shrugs, he really didn’t have a proper answer. What was he supposed to say? That he just felt like it? Hell no.

“What do you mean you don’t know? That was beyond dangerous. You could’ve fallen off so easily. Do you even think?” Wilbur scolded. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I guess I just wanted to look. I didn’t mean to worry you guys,” Tommy drops his gaze and speaks sincerely. Wilbur just takes a step back and sighs. Tommy’s words make him falter. But before Wilbur can say anything, Phil speaks up.

“That was nerve wracking I’ll admit,” Phil gives a wary chuckle. “Let’s just head home alright guys? We can talk about this later, okay?”

“Alright, yeah, sounds good,” Wilbur sighs again, and goes back over to the bench to pick up some of the bags, his own and Tommy’s. He really just wants to leave this shitty moment and get the car as if that will cure everything. Techno and Phil follow along and that leaves Tommy standing behind them. He hugs himself and stays rooted in place. They cross the bridge and Techno is the one to turn around.

“C’mon kid, let's get going.”

Tommy shakes out his hands and goes over to them at a hastened pace. He trails along with them not saying anything. There’s only one thought that’s been burned into his mind, 

They care about me?


	2. II. Long Walks Where You Don’t Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy decides it’s a good idea to take a short detour while walking home.

The sound of the clock fills the air as the classroom has gone silent. The teacher has given everyone a packet to complete, it was due the following Monday as it is was Friday currently. The teacher was nice enough to give everyone time to finish it before the bell rings. The super smart kids have already completed the assignment, those who just want to get it over with are more than half way done, working diligently. Then there were people like Tommy who have hardly started.

The apathy strong in him as he did not want to do anything. He just wanted to go home or something. His procrastination also hits him hard as he decides to put it off until later. He’d probably attempt to finish it on Sunday, but what happens usually is he’ll complete it the period before it’s due. It’s a vicious game, that Tommy’s willing to play. 

The clock was minutes away from setting everyone free. And the mocking ticking noise made him realize how monotonous everything is. 

Tommy decides to sneak a peak down at his phone quickly, he sees a message from Phil, that doesn’t brighten his mood in the slightest.

Dadza  
Hey bud, I’m sorry but I can’t get out of work soon enough to pick you up and your brother’s are busy. You remember the way home right? Just be careful. I hope I can make this up to you, maybe your favorite meal tonight? Love ya!.

Tommy suppresses a sigh. He really has to walk home today? It’s raining! It may be more of a sprinkle, but it could turn into something worse! And he’ll be caught it in. 

Even though Tommy’s favorite type of weather is rainy, it takes a few moments for him to be willing to traverse it. Like if he gets soaked outside immediately, he’ll just accept his fate and go dancing in the rain. He should do that sometime, dancing in the rain.

But anyways, Tommy goes back to the text Phil sent. Asking if he knew the way home. The way home from school was unbelievably boring to walk. You had to walk along all these main roads, where you’re in a near constant public view so you don’t get kidnapped or whatever. That’s not what he wants, but if it’s what Phil wants, then he’d sacrifice. All the mindless staring ahead after reading the text ended up being the time it took for the damn bell to ring.

His fellow teens in his class were already up and out the door for the most part, leaving a scrambling Tommy behind. He shoved the packet loosely in his backpack followed by his pencil. He stood up from his desk and slung his backpack over his shoulder. 

Tommy exits the classroom and begins heading down the hallway to step outside. A bunch of people, some from his class, some not, are bunched up at the end of the hallway at the main door. They are seemingly waiting for themselves to get ready for the rain outside as it has gotten worse. Some were taking out umbrellas, others were putting on raincoats and windbreakers, some people were just sticking their backpack over their head. Tommy would have done something similar to the latter, however, he didn’t want to get the papers that were inside ruined. Tommy’s currently wearing a windbreaker and starts coming up with an idea to protect his belongings. And in that moment, Tommy was unbelievably happy that his windbreaker was Wilbur’s that he stole. Don’t tell him that. It was a bigger size than what the teen usually wore because of Wilbur’s taller stature. 

The ingenious plan that the blonde concocted. Was that he would take off his backpack, then Wilbur’s jacket, which would leave him in just his colored baseball tee, but this one was a long sleeve. He would put his backpack back on first, then put the windbreaker overtop. So the windbreaker can cover himself and the backpack, what a genius right?

Tommy put his plan into action and just went for it, he pushed through the crowd opened the door and walked outside. It was raining yeah, but it wasn’t too bad. The people inside were over exaggerating. 

Tommy moved at a quicker pace to move through the outdoors of the school, he still needed to meet up with Tubbo at their usual spot, can’t leave his right hand man hanging now can he? 

Tommy walked to one of the common areas that people sit at, at lunch. These lunch tables are scattered across the whole school, there isn’t a singular lunch area. 

There was one lunch table that they meet at everyday after school, it was pretty close to one of the exits of the school. 

His eyes scan the area as he sees the bench deserted, but he hears a voice call out behind him. 

“Tommy! Hey! I’m over here man!”

Definitely Tubbo. Tommy smiles and turns to where his best friend’s voice was and jogs over when he sees him. Tubbo was standing under this extended roof that gave protection from the rain. 

“Hey Big T? What’s up?” Tommy says as he enters the safety from the rain. 

“Nothing much Tommy, other than I passed my math test from last week. I got a B plus,” Tubbo smiles proudly.

“Damn? A B plus, I got a C on my classes last math test. I completely forgot to study,” Tommy groans.

“Okay, hold up. I hate changing the conversation like this but I have to. Why the hell are you basically cosplaying Quasimodo from Notre Dame,” Tubbo says with a smile. 

“What?! What do you mean? Is that supposed to be an insult or some shit?!” Tommy exclaims with shock. Tubbo reaches behind Tommy and slaps his back, where his bag is below the windbreaker. Then Tommy understands what he meant. 

“Ohh, you meant that? It’s my super smart intelligent plan to save my backpack from the rain. You like it?” Tommy explains.

“I guess so, or you could’ve just brought an umbrella like me?”

“Not all of us remember to check the weather forecast in the morning. Beside it looked clear as hell this morning!”

“Alright, keep telling yourself that man,” Tubbo grins at Tommy. Tommy rolls his eyes.

“You’re lame, let’s just get going, I’m losing brain cells participating in this conversation,” Tommy walks foreword a few steps. As Tubbo unfolds his umbrella and holds it up for the both of them.

Every time that Tommy has to walk home, after school, the two boys walk home together. Well, mostly. They have the same track until half way, where Tubbo needs to go left and Tommy has to continue going straight. 

So they walk together and Tommy ends up taking the umbrella to hold for the two of them because he is the tallest and most fit for the job. Exiting the school and walking down the road, smiles on their faces, they joke around and have fun. They make the most out their little walk. But eventually the time to split appears.

Tubbo pushes the button for the crosswalk at the intersection. Tommy thinks about asking Tubbo to come over so they can spend more time together. But the thought dies on his tongue as the crosswalk goes from the red hand to the person walking. Tommy hands back the umbrella and Tubbo hugs Tommy goodbye, waving as he crosses the road.

“Bye Tommy! I’ll see you Monday, but text me today okay?!” Tubbo calls out as he’s walking.

“Of course I will, I’ll talk to you later!” And with that Tubbo crosses the street and continues on his way home, leaving Tommy alone. 

The blonde haired boy continues home and as he’s walking, he pauses. He pauses at the sight of a massive forested like area and there being a little gap between the branches that he could definitely fit through. It’s like it’s calling to him. The overgrown bushes, trees, and wildlife wandering. There may be secrets to uncover, or abandoned things to adventure through. But there are some cons that come filtering through his brain. A last defense to stop him from acting on impulses. 

The blaring red flags that were violently waving in front of his face were one, it’s raining, slippery, and dangerous. Two, He has no idea where it’ll lead to. Three, who knows who’s down there, someone who wouldn’t mind stabbing him to death? Four, he’ll probably get home unbelievably late. 

On second thought, Tommy thinks, they wouldn’t really care would they? If he got home late, Phil wouldn’t notice right? He’ll probably just be upset that Tommy broke the rules. 

Whatever, Tommy wants that rush of adrenaline. He’s addicted to it, that feeling is equivalent to that of a highly strong and addictive drug. He just needs more. And it’s fine, if he does die doing this, which he definitely can, nobody would be bothered anyway. 

Nobody cares about him. 

What happened at the mall last week wasn’t Wilbur caring about him, it was.. it was something he couldn’t name. Maybe a feeling of obligation to save a dumb teen instead of them actually caring.

“Fuck it,” Tommy mumbles as he starts walking through the grass plains. Once he’s standing in front of the opening, he crouches down and examines it. And thinks, time to get sopping wet, who gives a shit? He certainly doesn’t. Shrugging off Wilbur’s coat and his backpack, he throws them both under the opening. The trees are thick enough over this part that he doesn’t have to worry about his backpack. Tommy takes to crawling on his hands and knees through. Stray twigs tear and poke at his long sleeved shirt, the damage isn’t bad. However the front of his shirt is covered in dirt and mud. Again, he doesn’t mind much at all. 

He reacquires his belongings putting them back on and takes a look around. It’s gorgeous to him. With some rain falling through the leaves above creating a muddy floor the closer to the center of nature natural path. A river made of rain runoff goes through said middle. Tommy walks through, hands gently brushing overhanging branches as he goes. 

Tommy begins to wonder how long this has been here and why he hasn’t noticed it until now. He’s taken this way to his home loads of times, yet there that opening was. 

By this point, Tommy’s hair is absolutely soaked. As the windbreaker didn’t have a hood. His blonde hair is matted down and appears much darker than it actually is.

At one point he gets his foot completely submerged in mud that he thought he could step over. He pulls his foot out and it’s filthy and even more soggy. He smiles though, shaking some excess mud off and laughs quietly. 

If Tommy were to be honest, the sound of the rain hitting around him, was really soothing. The perfect thing to listen to after a stressful day at school. 

But the stress seems to return when he hears a sudden rustling nearby. He whips his head to a specific bush that’s moving way more than the others. Tommy takes an involuntary step back, breathing in a gulp of air before holding it. 

He waits, he’s not going to move until he knows what’s there. 

Moments go by before an adorable looking squirrel come running out. He pauses out in front of Tommy for a second before scurrying off. Tommy lets that breath go and laughs. He was worrying over nothing. Nothing can hurt him.

Right?

Milo Murphy’s law is a strange thing.

Tommy regrets that thought as his blood goes cold. He notices a man sitting on the other side of the miniature river unmoving. He’s smoking a cigarette while dressed in dark clothing. Tommy drops his gaze and attempts to shuffle on. The teen just thinks, it’s fine, maybe he wanted to see the pretty sight here. He’s just relaxing. 

That is until the man’s eyes flit up and he stares at Tommy. He drops the cigarette and stomps it out on the ground, eyes never leaving Tommy’s. Tommy just smiles that awkward polite smile before speeding up a bit. He continued on, now looking around rapidly for a place to leave. An opening in the brush. Anything, anything!

Tommy doesn’t know how to feel. He puts himself in these situations knowing damn well what the consequences can be. He’s scared of what that man can do and he doesn’t want to stick around to find out. He’s also upset that he can’t stay any longer and that mystery man over there fucked everything up for him. And finally, he’s a little excited, it’s demented. If he gets out of this safe, he’ll have a crazy story to tell, an intense memory to look back on. That familiar adrenaline is coursing through his veins, he’s been so desperately looking for. It felt cool to go through the gap to get inside, same as it did knowing he’s in a less than safe location. But now, his life may actually be in danger. Like his life is worth something, he feels alive even if there’s a chance he won’t be for long. It’s disturbingly poetic. 

Tommy’s shaken from his thoughts when he decides to look back at the man and his own eyes widen. The mans standing. He’s standing and he’s slowly walking in the same direction as Tommy. Not good, not at all. 

Tommy heart pounds in his ears, he shoved down that small feeling of excitement. He’s actually in incredible danger, they’re alone out here and no one would be able to hear him scream. And besides, if Tommy is going to die, it won’t be to a random dude. He’s going out his way, like going parachuting, or on a rollercoaster, or while sitting on the ledge of a skyscraper. Not this.

Tommy decides to run, just run until he’s far away. His feet pound against the muddy ground, but he wasn’t looking where he was going. And finds himself tripping over a root that was jutted out of the ground. Tommy drops to the floor flat on his chest. 

Tommy just thinks about how Wilbur’s going to kill him for making his jacket dirty.

But that should be the least of his worries as the man has become a little faster. Tommy forces himself up and sprints again, he’s safer about where he puts his feet. As he moves, he scans for an exit. Anything that could get him to the outside and in view of other people that could help him if shit hits the rocks. 

And finally he spots it, a clearing on the side of the forested area, he ducks under the protruding twigs and finds himself on the outside, finally.

He runs for a little bit longer on the outside and when he sees the man isn’t following him. He deems himself safe. 

The rain has only gotten worse and the sky seems darker, it’s getting late and he really needs to get home now. It’s been a long day. 

The second Tommy opens the front door Phil is rushing over to greet him with a worried expression only growing when he sees the state of his younger brother. 

“Tommy! There you are, I was getting worried. Are you okay? What happened to you?” Phil frets stepping closer, reaching and gently holding the taller boys face in his hands. It’s so tender and fond, Tommy can’t help but melt at the touch. 

“I uh, tripped while walking home,” Tommy lies sheepishly, avoiding eye contact.

“Oh Jesus, are you hurt? Bleeding? Bruising?” Phil drops his hands and checks the boy over but mainly only sees the mud caked clothing and face. Tommy just shakes his head no, and says that he’s fine, just a little shaken up. 

“Okay, but why are you home so late though? It took you thrice the time it usually does. I got home way before you,” Phil questions, crossing his arms like a stern parent.

“There were- I stayed at the school later talking to friends and trying to wait out the storm. It just got worse so I walked home. I’m sorry, Phil,” Tommy was feeling that adrenaline crash, he wasn’t in the mood to make jokes like he usually would have. All his energy being drained by the lying.

“It’s alright, I’m just glad you’re okay,” Phil’s shoulders drop. “Go take a shower and leave your clothes in the hamper, I can wash them tonight for you okay?” 

Tommy just nods along and smiles when Phil lightly pats his shoulder, refusing to hug him till he wasn’t a mud monster. 

The teen trudges upstairs after shedding his disgusting shoes, leaving them by the door. He makes it to his room but pauses when he sees his brothers reclined back on his bed. They’re talking quietly amongst themselves, they stop when they see the owner of the room. Techno is laying with his back against the wall the bed is pushed against and his feet dangle off. He’s wearing an oversized deep red hoodie that compliments his similarity colored eyes. His hair is down and loose. Wilbur sits cross legged right next to the other. He doesn’t have a beanie like usual, but that means his curly hair has been unleashed. He sports a grey sweater. They look comfortable, very different from Tommy currently.

A pair of red eyes and a pair of brown eyes land on Tommy and they stare. The blonde just looks back with a grimace, he’s not in the mood to be indulging in his brother’s usual comedic natures. Nobody moves for a long time, that is, until Tommy speaks up. 

“What the fuck are you two doing in my room?”

“What happened to you?” Techno responds, completely ignoring Tommy’s question. The said teen rolls his eyes and fixes them with a glare.

“Nothing. Tell me why your in my room, then get out,” Tommy growls out.

“No need to get mean, Tommy,” Wilbur sounds disappointed, Tommy hated disappointed Wilbur. 

“I’m not being mean, now answer the damn question.” Tommy crosses his arms moodily. He just wants to grab some clothes and his shower supplies. He also wants to get out of the jacket and backpack that weighs in his shoulder and makes his back ache. But his brothers have to make it difficult.

“Okay, fine. We’re here to talk to you and we may have overheard you talking to Phil,” Wilbur starts. 

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Tommy asks.

“We know you lied to him,” Techno cuts to the chase, his voice dripping in monotony. It usually gave him a feeling of comfort, but now it just sends ice through his veins.

“What the fuck are you talking about? I didn’t lie to Phil, why would I do that?”

“I dunno why you would. But we know you did, we can tell by the tone of your voice and the way you didn’t try to make jokes and lighten the mood. It’s obvious really. So instead of beating around the bush, just tell us what happened,” Techno bites out.

“I told you, nothing, just drop it,” Tommy just decides to walk over to his dresser and pull out some clothes to change into after his shower. He tries to ignore his annoying brothers.

“I don’t think we will, Tommy, look, we’re just worried about you,” Techno suddenly says softly. Making Tommy freeze while rummaging through his drawers. His brain instantly tells him that Techno’s lying. They don’t care, nobody does.

“Ha, that’s funny Tech,” Tommy scoffs and finally retrieves some comfortable cotton shorts and an oversized black hoodie. Tommy turns back to leave and glances at their faces and notices the utter shock and pain on their faces. They look hurt by Tommy’s words, especially Techno. Tommy sighs, “Now, if you would excuse me, I need to do some shit, and I don’t want you two bothering me.” 

Just as Tommy was at the door to his room, he pauses.

“Oh and Wilbur? This is yours I’m sorry I ruined it,” Tommy mumbles with sincerity laced in his tone. He takes the jacket off and tosses it and Wilbur and leaves before he can react.

When Tommy gets to the bathroom he closes and locks the door, dropping his backpack on the floor. And to his frustration he left his own special strawberry scented shampoo and his loofa. He was too distracted by his brothers and he’s too embarrassed to go back for them. He can do without that. It’s fine, he’s fine. 

As Tommy gets ready for his shower, tears of anger and frustration run down his face. 

They were just lying to him, they don’t actually care. They’re not worried for him, they just... they just... they’re just forced to make sure he doesn’t die. That’s it. That’s all it was and all it will ever be. 

But he can’t help but wonder why he lashed out at them like that. A part of him has an answer, but he isn’t the most sure. It’s possible that when he realized that they’re going out of their way to look out for him, he wanted to push them away. He believes that he’s not one to be saved. He doesn’t deserve to be cared for. He’s not worthy of love. At least, that’s what his brain tells him. If he were to disappear, no one would notice. 

When Tommy gets out of the shower, mostly dried hair, no mud, and in clean warm clothes. He feels better, clearer of mind. He avoids going back into his room because of the possibility of Wil and Tech being there. If he has to see and talk to anyone it would be Phil right now. Tommy drops his clothes off in the hamper, then wanders downstairs. He comes across said man in the kitchen.

The shorter blond looks up from where he was cleaning the dishes and smiles at Tommy. 

“You look cozy,” Phil smiles. “And I made you some hot chocolate if you want it, it’s over on the table.”

“Thanks big man,” Tommy sits down at the table and grabs the mug of hot chocolate. Steam billows out the top, warming his face. Tommy takes a tiny sip to avoid burning his tongue. It makes his whole body feel much warmer. 

He finds himself being uncharacteristically quiet. He doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t want to lie to Phil anymore than he has. But that scare in the forest was a thing he feels compelled to share, but he just can’t. 

There’s no talking, just quiet sips of Tommy's drink and Phil continuing his cleaning. That is, until Techno appears and Tommy drops his gaze, completely ignoring him. Techno leans against the opening of the kitchen, Wilbur’s nowhere to be found. 

“Hey Phil?” Techno says making Phil turn around with an easy smile.

“What’s up Tech?”

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Yeah, of course, what's wrong?” Phil asks, walking over to Techno, the taller leads them out and away from earshot. Tommy sighs and slumps in his seat, they’re gonna talk about him, aren’t they? They’re going to be mad at him, what if they kick him out because they don’t want to deal with his bullshit anymore? 

Or worse? They make him talk about his feelings, humiliate him over them, and THEN kick him out. Tommy crosses his arms over the table and drops his head onto them. His face shoved deep into his arms, squeezing his eyes shut. He didn’t want to deal with the repercussions of his actions. He wishes he can just do the things he wants to do and that’ll be that. If he lives or dies it shouldn’t bother anyone but him. 

Tommy doesn’t know how long he sits there until he feels someone ruffle his hair, obviously trying to see if he’s awake and trying to catch his attention. Tommy wants to refuse and stay hidden but he lifts his head and looks over to who did it.

Wilbur looks down at him with a pained smile, that made Tommy’s stomach churn. 

“Hey Toms,” the nickname made Tommy want to cry, he didn’t know why though. “We want to talk to you for a bit in the living room. The others are already in there.” 

Tommy just nods and slides the chair back to stand up. The two silently walk into the living room where Techno and Phil are. They sit on the couch next to each other, talking softly before the others walk in. Wilbur gives a sympathetic look to Tommy before sitting down next to Phil on the couch. 

The blonde teen remains standing looking at the council of older brothers, probably planning something awful because Tommy’s such a nuisance.

“Kid, why’re you standing? You’re making this seem like an interrogation, we just want to talk to you,” Techno says calmly. 

“I’m fine where I am, now talk,” Tommy frowns and the others just sigh. 

“Tommy, we just want to know what happened to you when you were walking home. You’re brothers said you were lying to me earlier,” Phil quirks an eyebrow.

“I wasn’t lying, they’re just trying to get me in trouble for some reason,” Tommy says angrily.

“Well, Techno says he knows when you're lying and I trust his instincts. Now just tell us what happened, we want to help you Tommy,” Phil’s voice is soft and comforting. Tommy melts at the tone. Tommy’s tired of lying, so he finally opts for the truth.

“I wasn’t lying when I said a I tripped while coming home. But there’s more to the story,” Tommy starts, deciding to sit down on the floor and rest his arms on the coffee table in front of him. “I’m sorry Phil, I didn’t wait longer at the school. The reason I was so late was because I took a detour. When I was walking home I saw this little forested area and I couldn’t help but go investigating through it. I was fine until I saw some random guy in there and he followed me. I tried running away but I fell down, I left through another opening and the dude left me alone. I’m pretty sure I was just overreacting and read the situation wrong. I was and am fine. I’m still sorry about lying to you though.”

Tommy stares down at the table during his explanation. It’s silent for a long moment before he hears the sound of movement and then he feels himself getting pulled into a tight hug. Tommy sees that it’s Phil and hugs back. 

“Poor Toms, that sounds awful! You could have been hurt or kidnapped! I’m so glad you're okay!” Phil frets, squeezing the boy tighter. Tommy doesn’t know what to say, he’s surprised Phil’s reacting the way he is. Tommy thought he would be yelled at, scolded, punished for putting himself into danger. However, they’re just happy he’s okay. They actually care about him?

Techno and Wilbur both get off the couch to sit by the pair hugging. They look on with worried expressions. 

“I’m fine Phil, you don’t-“ Tommy’s cut off by Wilbur’s wobbly voice.

“I should have picked you up from school when Phil asked me, this could have been avoided. I’m so sorry.”

“Wilbur-“

“I should have dropped what I was doing as well, this is my fault,” Techno offers quietly.

They’re not...

blaming Tommy?

But it’s his fault for wanting to do something dangerous.

Yet, they’re blaming themselves for not looking out for Tommy.

That’s not how this is supposed to go.

“Guys! You shouldn’t blame yourselves! It was my fault for going off the path,” Tommy says still trapped in Phil’s arms.

“Tommy, it isn’t your fault for wanting to explore,” Phil sympathizes. 

“But-“ Tommy says quietly. 

“Just go with someone next time okay? You can go back with like a group of friends or something? It would put less stress on my weak heart,” Phil smiles while letting Tommy go finally. 

Tommy looks at his three older brothers and gives a weak smile. They shouldn’t have to worry about him, this isn’t right. 

Do they actually care or are they playing some twisted game on his mind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry if this chapter is terrible! I tried to articulate how I felt when I was in a similar situation, but I don’t know how it came across. I might revise this in the further but for now. Have a great day guys! Somebody cares about you! <3


	3. III. Lost More Than Your Train of Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy and Wilbur go for a walk and Tommy doesn’t have the best idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to preface, this chapter is a little more intense than the others. It can possibly be a little triggering but nothing graphic or violent happens. Just be careful please! And by the way, I’ve never does the thing detailed in this chapter, don’t worry about me! I should also add that I’ve decided to make this story longer as I have so much I want to write about, so expect more soon!

“C’mon, hurry up Wilbur!” Tommy calls out while knocking on said older brother’s door. A sound of annoyance can be heard on the other side. Tommy grins, happy to have successfully irritated his brother and get his point across. 

Wilbur promised to take Tommy out for a walk today, after Tommy’s detour from a little bit ago. They wanted to indulge Tommy in what they thought was his adventurous personality. The teen wasn’t content with just doing a simple little walk and he knows Phil would never let him. However, when they get outside, Tommy thinks he can try to get Wilbur to take him where he wants. It’ll take some convincing but Tommy believes he can manage. 

Tommy continues to wait until Wilbur’s bedroom door opens and a tired looking Wilbur walks out. He’s wearing a yellow sweater and black jeans. His hair is peeks out from underneath his beanie. The brunette looks over at his younger brother and fixes him with a bored look. 

Tommy bounces in place with a wide smile.

“Finally! You take too long, bitch. I was about to leave without you,” Tommy says while walking away, going towards the stairs. He waves his hand along while he talks. 

“You wouldn’t have left without your favorite brother,” Wilbur follows the slightly shorter boy. 

“Huh, I didn’t know Techno was coming with us,” Tommy smirks, he takes the stairs at a quick pace. 

“You’re such a headache, Tommy, the absolute worst.”

“I take that as a compliment, it’s a step up from being a migraine!”

“I’d hardly call it a good thing man.”

The two reach the ground floor and they see Phil waiting for them at the front door. The older man looks happy to see them. 

“I just wanted to see you guys off if that’s alright? You both have your phones and they’re charged?” The shorter blond asks worriedly.

“Yup, I’m prepared,” Tommy says taking his phone out his pocket, clicking it on and showing the 96 percent charged phone. Wilbur just nods, not feeling compelled to give proof. Phil knows Wilbur is the most responsible of the two, even though responsible is a strong word. 

“That’s great, I don’t want to keep you waiting any longer than I have to. I hope you guys have fun, I’ll see you later!” Phil’s cheery voice speaks. 

“Bye Philza! We’ll be back soon!” Tommy moves forward picking up his own backpack filled with, well, practically nothing. He likes the aesthetic of wearing a backpack around even if he doesn’t really need it. His phone is able to fit in his back pocket and his wallet in one of his front pockets. It doesn’t matter that much.

He opens the front door as Wilbur offers his goodbyes as well. With one last wave from Phil, the two find themselves outside, in front of their home. 

“Alright Tommy, I’m gonna leave you in charge, which way first?” Wilbur turns to the boy. Oh. This is going to be easier than Tommy thought. He was thinking Wilbur had a pre planned idea for their walk, but it turns out to be false. Tommy will just take the older the way he wants and then convince him to go off the path to explore like he wants to. Wilbur may be older, but he isn’t the most responsible person in the world, and being honest, he probably would want to go along with the little adventure planned. 

“I have a track in my mind that would be fun to walk, it’s just that way. Follow me,” Tommy sets off in a specific direction. Wilbur follows along as told and the two walk side by side.

“So, what’s this track, where are we going exactly?” The question doesn’t sound interrogating, it’s more like a conversation starter. This will be very easy.

“It just goes along the outskirts of the city, it kinda wraps around and leads back to our neighborhood. It’s a little longer of a walk if that’s cool with you?” Tommy looks up at his brother.

“Whatever you want Tommy, this isn’t about me. I want you to have fun and get your energy out,” Wilbur smiles warmly. Tommy looks at the ground, that was oddly nice coming from the brunette next to him. He’s probably just saying that, when Tommy was bothering him to come out of his room, he looked incredibly bored. He probably doesn’t want to do any of this, he’s just giving into his annoying little brother’s demands. Tommy’s probably just irritating him. The blonde shakes away his deprecating thoughts.

“I want you to have fun too ya know?” Tommy says softly. 

“Don’t worry Tommy! Of course I’ll have fun because you don’t allow things to get boring,” Wilbur grins. 

“Well, I do happen to be pretty entertaining.” Tommy gains a look of pride. 

The two continue to walk. Jokes are made that make them laugh till their stomach hurt. Sometimes the conversation dips into more serious topics. Like Tommy talking about his school life, worrying about different subjects, the students he encounters and among other things. As Tommy vents about things important to him, Wilbur listens. He listens intently, jumping in when deemed appropriate. He takes in the information carefully. Wilbur’s not just listening and forgetting what’s being said to him, he’s truly paying attention. Almost like he cares huh?

It’s weird when his older brothers do this to him. When they act like they care sometimes. But then treat him like he’s an annoying, worthless, kid. The whiplash gives Tommy a headache. And besides, they should just tear the bandage off and tell him that they don’t want him around anymore. All these lies makes him believe that maybe somewhere, they do care about him. But then reality comes crashing back down and it hurts twice as badly. He wishes they can just be honest for once in their god damn lives. 

Tommy looks around as the conversation takes a turn into peaceful, comfortable silence. They’ve been walking for long enough that the place Tommy wants to go to should be nearby. And with a quick look around, he spots it. Another thickly forested area, that has recently thinned as the encroaching winter. Leaves fallen off their branches into piles that seem perfect for jumping into and crunching. Tommy stares longingly, there’s something just beyond what he can see. He knows the existent of one thing in particular but there can be more to find. 

Tommy stops as there’s a dirt path leading into the forest, it’s different from the one he went through after school. That one was incredibly small this is an actually forest that stretches for miles. It’s exactly what Tommy wants to go through.

Wilbur doesn’t notice Tommy stop until he’s a few steps in front of him.

“Tommy? What’s going on buddy, why’d you stop?” Wilbur asks gently. The tone of voice is so foreign to Tommy, he’s so used to the rude remarks. But, recently Tommy has noticed the shift in how his brothers treat him. They still tease and poke fun like always, but they seem to act softer when Tommy expresses slightly odd behavior. Like now, Tommy randomly stopping and staring longingly somewhere, so Wilbur treads with caution for his younger brother. 

“I uh,” Tommy stops. Is it worth going through all this trouble just to go exploring for something dumb? Wilbur probably just wants to go home and he’s holding them up over childish fantasies. But at the same time, he needs to do this. It’s been on his mind, he can take some nice pictures and feel more at peace. Ah, fuck it. “I changed my mind. I want to take a different route.”

“Okay,” Wilbur drawls out word. “What do you have in mind?”

Tommy doesn’t say anything, he just looks up at Wilbur and then nods his head to the dirt path. Tommy hears the older sigh and he begins to feel awful. Wilbur’s already getting annoyed with you Tommy!

“Are you sure? That looks a little unsafe,” Wilbur’s voice drips with uncertainty. 

“I forgot this was here,” Lies. “It can be pretty cool to check out. Plus I’m positive it’s safe. Come on, please Wilbur?” 

“I don’t know Tommy,” Wilbur crosses his arms. 

“Come on please? Wilbur, Big man, Big W, Wilbs, Wil! This could be fun!” Tommy pleads. He just can’t seem to shut his mouth, he knows he’s being annoying and a bother. Yet, he can’t. Stop. Talking.

“Ugh fine, I said what I said. Whatever you want to do, we’ll do it,” Wilbur gives in and sets onto the path, Tommy celebrates the victory and joins him.

Inside the forest, was a lot different than what Tommy was first imagining. The little place that Tommy went to was no match to this. This was huge, but as long as they stayed true to the path they’d be fine.

Tommy hops forward, a pep in his step. “This is so cool! Wilbur, I heard there were train tracks in here, we have to find them!” 

“How do you know that?”

“People at school have talked about going to the tracks to look at and shit. I’ve always wanted to see them myself, but my friends never had an interest,” Tommy talks to Wilbur while walking backwards, taking careful steps as he does so. 

“That sucks, good thing we’re here now. By the way, do you know if the tracks are still used?” Wilbur wonders, watching the overly excited boy in front of him.

“Of course they’re still in use! But it’s fine, if you’re on the tracks just listen out for the ear piercing sound of the train. It’s not that hard to miss unless your deaf or a dumbass,” Tommy squints his eyes. Wilbur scoffs a laugh.

“But what if you pull a whole ass Life is Strange and get stuck on the tracks? Last I checked, I don’t have time traveling powers to save you,” Wilbur frowns jokingly.

“I... don’t get that reference,” Tommy’s voice is filled with confusion. Wilbur laughs while Tommy looks on with a weird expression.

“I forgot you don’t play rated M games,” Wilbur cackles.

“Whatever, I’m just not interested,” Tommy tries to defend himself.

“Yeah, sure, it can’t possibly be that your too scared. That and Phil won’t let you,” Wilbur grins. “But I digress. I would totally lend you some of my games if you want, just don’t tell Phil.”

“No, I’m good, I can wait till I’m 17. It’s not that far away man.”

“Whatever you say Tommy.”

The banter continues but it ceases when Tommy sees what he’s been dying to see for the longest time. There in front of the two of them was the train tracks and Tommy cant help but sprint forward. The blur of blond hair jumps onto the tracks, it’s so cool looking to Tommy. Seeing the tracks in the middle of the forest. On both sides of tracks lay the forest. 

Wilbur didn’t speed up his pace like his little brother did. He reaches Tommy with a smile.

“Is it everything you’d thought it’d be?” Wilbur asks.

“Yeah! Oh my god, why is this so cool? It’s just train tracks but it’s just... so.. pretty? Why do I like this so much?” Tommy eyes are filled with wonder as he looks around. 

“I mean it is pretty out here, could be a killer place to go ghost hunting at. We’ll just come back at like 3 am, bring Techno and pray Phil doesn’t kill us,” Wilbur says while standing on one of the train track’s protruding parts. He walks like he’s on a tightrope, hands extended out a bit. Tommy looks over at Wilbur and copies his actions just on the other side. He also lags a little bit behind. 

The two walk along the train tracks, pausing at times to take nice pictures, some selfies that they’ll probably print out to hang somewhere. With easy smiles on their faces, enjoying the fresh air, the nature, each other’s company. Neither speak, but they don’t need to. The silence isn’t awkward, it’s comfortable, it’s nice. 

But all good things must come to an end.

Tommy listens out and hears the very, very distant sound of metal grinding on metal. The boy pauses and begins feeling vibrations from the metal of the tracks. Tommy looks behind him and doesn’t see anything yet, but he can definitely hear a train coming. Tommy doesn’t move off the tracks though, he continues to look until he can see the train peaking from the trees a long way away.

“Hey Tommy! Let’s get off the tracks now,” Wilbur calls out to the boy from where he’s now standing a few feet away from the tracks, a very safe distance. Tommy nods and jumps off, jogging over to the older boy. 

“Woah! Look at the train, it’s moving so fucking fast,” Tommy watches as the train bustles down from a distance, it was going to be a few moments before it’ll reach them. They got off quickly, rather be safe than sorry right?

“I mean yeah, it’s a train Tommy,” Wilbur chuckles. 

Something Tommy hadn’t realized until now was how fast his heart was racing. He has no idea why it is. He’s not scared, at least, he doesn’t think he is. No, what’s there to be scared of? Then what’s making his heart race? His hands shake? And a weird feeling throughout his body?

Tommy’s eyes widen as realization dons on him. Tommy tries to keep the thoughts at bay but the adrenaline junkie part of his brain is just so damn loud. He can’t do this, he shouldn’t. He can die and his brother would have to watch helplessly. 

But the voice comes back to whisper in his ear, but what if he wouldn’t care? It’d be a horrific sight sure, but once the gore is gone from his brain, he’d move on. That’s what everyone does, they move on and forget about you. He needs to do this, it can be fun. Again, he’d have one helluva story to tell people, the most interesting person at the party. But is it worth risking his life for?

That question is answered for him as the train gets closer, once it was just a little bit away. Tommy’s feet moves before his brain can, he’s running straight towards the tracks as the train continues barreling down. Tommy hears someone scream out his name, but if falls onto deaf ears.

The boy takes a breath and jumps over the tracks, just narrowly missing the train by that of about 20 seconds. It may seem like a long time, but when a how many ton weighing metal contraption is going around 60-80 miles an hour straight towards you. That is such a small time gap, he could’ve been hit.

When Tommy lands on the other side, he’d fallen to the ground. His hands are deep in the grass as he tries to catch his breath. He turns around and watches as the train flies past him, cart after cart. It’s all a blur. Then he does something that honestly makes himself worry for his own well being a little bit. 

He laughs.

He laughs and can’t seem to stop the stream of giggles. It’s not a nervous chuckle, it sounds happy. He feels happy, the adrenaline of the situation is making his body slightly shake. He can’t believe he did that. He just jumped in front a train! 

But deep inside a different voice says.

Why are you so happy? You shouldn’t be proud. 

But the voice goes uncared for. 

While this all occurs, Wilbur has to stay stuck on the other side as his heart is beating out his chest. He feels like he can cry after seeing that. His baby brother could have died and there was nothing he could have done to save him.

Wilbur gets horrific chills when he sees the mess of blond hair on the other side laughing. He can see the boy through the gaps between the train carts as they go by. 

Dear lord, what’s happening to his baby brother?

Finally the train passes by and Tommy remains on the dirt ground, still ecstatic over everything. But Wilbur runs as fast he can over to the younger boy. 

Tommy looks up with stars in his eyes “Wilbur! Did you see that? That was the most exciting thing I’ve ever-“

Tommy was cut off when Wilbur drops to his knees in front of Tommy and drags him into a protective embrace. He hugs as tightly as he can without hurting Tommy. The blond has no idea what to say, why’s Wilbur acting like this? He’s fine isn’t he? Shouldn’t that be all that matters?

Wilbur squeezes him tighter as if the second he loosens his grip, Tommy would disappear. 

A hand appears on the back of the teen’s head as it’s pushed into Wilbur’s neck. 

Tommy feels an odd warmth in his chest, he thinks that his older brother is overreacting. Yet, he can’t seem to find the power to pull himself away from the hug. It’s actually kind of nice.

“Oh Jesus,” Wilbur’s voice is shaky and uneven. And utterly terrified. “Oh my fucking god.”

Tommy still feels a lump in his throat, he can’t get anything past his lips. He doesn’t like how broken Wilbur sounds, why is he so sad?

“Tommy, listen to me when I say this, never. And I mean never, do that again. You could’ve... you could’ve... fuck..”

“Wilbur I-“ Tommy’s voice trails off. He feels Wilbur pulls back from the hug a bit, enough so he can bring his hands up to cup Tommy’s face gently. Similar to the way Phil does, it’s just so calming and warm. His brothers give him so much comfort, even when he doesn’t know he needs it.

“What’s gotten into you Tommy? What happened to my younger brother? This isn’t like you,” Wilbur’s eyes fill with tears that he just barely holds back.

“I’m right here Wil. I’m so sorry,” Tommy was about to say what he was sorry for in particular, yet he doesn’t know. He’s sorry for almost dying? But again how does that effect Wilbur?

“That’s the thing Tommy, I know you’re not sorry, because you have no idea what your sorry about,” Wilbur seemed to have just read Tommy’s mind. The blond opens his mouth to say something in response, anything. Yet nothing can come out. Wilbur gives him such a painstakingly melancholy smile. 

“You scared the shit out of me, you could have died Tommy! I can’t lose you! What would Phil think? Techno? Tubbo? For Christ sake, we wouldn’t be able to move on without you,” Wilbur cries. 

Tommy stares wide eyed, as his brother lets those tears fall. That’s why he’s sad? He’s sad.. because of Tommy? Tommy hurt him? For risking his life at the blink of an eye? 

“You.. care about me?” Tommy asks unbelievably quietly.

“Of course I do dumbass!” Wilbur lets the hands fall to the blond’s shoulders shaking him gently. “You’re my baby brother! I can’t stand seeing you hurt!”

Tommy feels himself start smiling, another feeling of warmth blossoms over his body. They do care, they do. But yet, the voice still remains telling him otherwise. He tries his best to ignore it, but deep down he knows it will never leave. But for now, he’s happy with the notion that his brother care. It may be a lie, that threat will never go, but in the moment he slows himself to believe. He needs a win once in a while.

Wilbur sniffles and wipes away his tears.

“God, yeah, I’m never coming back here. Lets go home, I bet Phil’s worrying about us. And by the way, I’m not letting you out of my sight for the next 12 business days at least. So hop on Toms,” Wilbur says letting go of Tommy and crouching down enough for Tommy to climb onto his back. Wilbur stands back up and readjusts his grip. Tommy wraps his arms around Wilbur’s neck with a smile. 

“I wouldn’t mind that, I hardly get to see you, that’s why I brought you with me,” Tommy mumbles against his brother's shoulder from where it now lays. Wilbur begins walking them back home, he’s still a little shaken up, but being able to feel Tommy with him makes him calm down a little. 

At some point Tommy chooses to yank Wilbur’s beanie off his head and plop it onto his own. Usually this would annoy the shit out of the older but now, he can’t help but feel fond. As long as Tommy’s happy, he’s happy. 

And after an experience such as this, he’s taken a new found care for his brother. Wilbur needs to show and prove how much they care about Tommy, he needs to understand how much they love him. 

Tommy needs to learn that you don’t need to prove to yourself that your alive. Because the people in your life will remind you just by being there for you. 

Wilbur will try his damndest and Tommy will try to calm the voice called anxiety in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn’t the best chapter, but I had fun writing it. It’s nice to be able to vent weird thoughts like this. Thank you for reading this and just know, someone cares about you! <3


	4. IV. Bad Choices, Bad Injuries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy has a bit of an altercation at school, his brothers are more than a little concerned.

For awhile now, there has been an issue. An issue that Tommy wasn’t personally facing, but one someone close to him was.

Bullying.

More specifically, bullying at school.

Even more specifically, Tubbo was getting bullied at school.

Tubbo has told Tommy a million times over that it was never a big deal. They never did anything too bad to him. Yet Tommy can’t help but be pissed and protective of his friend. Tubbo would tell Tommy that they’d say mean things to him, rude comments that would dampen his mood but do no more. They would sometimes bother him for answers and when Tubbo would say no, they’d take his paper anyway. All these things and Tubbo would continue to say that it’s not big deal.

Like ass it was no big deal.

Tommy could tell it would hurt Tubbo, the way he would become a little more downcast after the bullies would do something to him. His brown eyes seeming dull, a deep rooted sadness. Tommy couldn’t stand it. 

There was this one time in particular, that Tommy has kept in his brain, he couldn’t forget no matter how hard he tried.

Tommy was sitting on this glass plot at lunch, his backpack on his lap remaining closed. He usually waited to get his lunch out till after Tubbo showed up, he doesn’t know why. Maybe he wants to be polite or some shit, showing he didn’t want to eat until his best friend was there.

But Tubbo was sure taking his time on showing up, Tommy didn’t want to admit but he was getting a little worried. The blonde was certain the shorter boy was at school and didn’t get picked up early, so where was he?

As Tommy was about to get up and look for his friend, he saw the familiar fluff of brown hair. Tubbo had his head down towards his feet, which was very unlike him. Tommy was beyond worried now. 

Tubbo dropped down on the grass next to Tommy and finally looked up with a small smile. But it was strained and weak, his eyebrows showing through a barely held back emotional pain. Tommy hated it, he hated seeing his friend like this.

“Hey Big T, took you long enough,” Tommy started with a smile in an attempt to lighten the mood. He was met with Tubbo dropping his gaze to his backpack and taking out his lunch. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting Tommy, you could’ve eaten without me,” Tubbo says quietly.

“Hell no, if you’re late and don’t get to eat, then I’m not going to eat either,” Tommy proudly admits. And it’s true, if Tommy’s friends are suffering then he’ll suffer too. 

Tubbo doesn’t say anything in response that made Tommy feel even more concerned. 

“Tubbo?” 

No response.

“Tubbster?”

Still no response.

“Tubbo, what happened? Are you okay?” Tommy asks worriedly watching as Tubbo took care into setting out his lunch. Tubbo pauses and looks up at Tommy.

“I’m fine,” Tubbo says way too shakily to be true.

“No you’re not. What happened to you?” Tommy reached out a hand to place gently on his friends shoulder. That’s what Tubbo needed to break, he allows the expression of misery to take over his features. Tubbo doesn’t cry though, it takes a lot to make the teen cry. 

“It’s been a long day man,” Tubbo decides on saying, speaking carefully as though if he talked any faster, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.

“Yeah? Tell me about it, maybe that’ll make you feel better?”

A sigh sounds from Tubbo as he completely deserts his food, same with Tommy who still hasn’t even taken his out. 

“In my last class, those guys messed with me again. They uh, they tried copying off my worksheet and I told them no a million times. But they just wouldn’t leave me alone! They copied all my answers and when the teacher went over to us, they told her I copied off them! And she believed them! She took away my paper and gave me an automatic zero and she kept me after class, that’s why I was late,” Tubbo frowns, his sadness being taken over by a brief flash of anger.

“Tubbo! That’s awful! You should have fought back against them, you shouldn’t let them push you around like that!” Tommy wants nothing more than to beat the shit out of the people who did this to his friend. Nobody bullies his friends but him. 

“I wanted to Tommy! But I didn’t want to make more of a conflict,” Tubbo looks back down. The brunette wasn’t a push over by any means. He knows how to stand up for himself, yet the reason he probably held himself back was because of the classroom setting. Too many people, too many eyes, too many judgments. He didn’t want to cause a scene. While Tommy on the other hand is more than willing to cause shit in front of others. If he’s being wronged, everyone will know.

“Do you want me to deal with them?” Tommy asks, eyes filled with determination to get justice for Tubbo.

“I’m not trying to be rude Tommy, but fuck no! This is my problem to deal with, not yours,” Tubbo exclaims. Tommy inwardly groans.

“If it’s your problem, then it’s mine as well. I can’t just sit by and watch you get hurt!”

“Tommy, I’ll handle it man. Just give me time to figure out a plan to do so,” Tubbo fidgets.

“Ugh, fine. How about you tell the teacher of that class?” Tommy suggests. If the blonde personally can’t help because it’s against Tubbo’s wishes, he’ll figure out another way to be of assistance.

“Nah, teachers are worthless when it comes to shit like this. She’ll just tell them to stop and do nothing more,” Tubbo groans, putting his face in his hands.

“I know, you’re right. How about telling your parents and they contact the principle or something?” Another suggestion from Tommy.

Tubbo shoots it down for similar reasons, his parents will definitely be concerned and worried. But the school itself, not so much. School fucking sucks and no ones overly ambitious to change it. They kept plotting hoping to come up with something, but no conclusion was made. The bell eventually rang meaning they would have to head to their last two classes of the day before they can leave.

They get up from the grass, neither ate their lunches but they didn’t care. Tommy would probably just eat it during his classes while Tubbo would probably scarf it down during the passing periods. Tubbo says his goodbyes and started heading in the direction of class but Tommy followed along.

“Why aren’t you going to your class? You’re not trying to ditch again are you?” Tubbo questions the taller boy.

“I’m not in the mood to ditch today, but I don’t mind being late. Let me walk to class with you,” Tommy smiles warmly and Tubbo knows he should tell Tommy to just go to his class. But he just can’t, he doesn’t mind being able to talk to his friend for longer. 

But this was an occurrence that happened more and more and more. Tubbo would be bullied, get his feelings hurt, Tommy would try his best to cheer him up, they would try to devise a plan, but nothing would actually change. Tubbo doesn’t deserve the pain he receives, Tommy believes Tubbo deserves the world and more. And honestly, he does. 

Then again, Tommy doesn’t feel the need to protect Tubbo. The shorter is more than capable of holding his own. This whole situation is more like a friend looking out for a friend. Tubbo isn’t a defenseless puppy, he’s human and sometimes humans hurt and need help from others. 

So let’s just say, Tommy’s anger has been on the rise. And it all came to a brutal boiling point.

When Tommy was again waiting for Tubbo to show up. But this time it was after school, Tubbo was taking an unusually long amount of time to show up after school.

Tommy waited for ten minutes and when he was losing hope of the other showing up. Tubbo appears in the vacant school.

But he’s... completely soaked. His clothes, hair, bag, shoes, everything is drenched. Tommy sprints over to Tubbo and grasps his shoulders.

“Fucking hell, are you okay?!” Tommy’s skin was buzzing with worry. Tubbo’s eyes are filled with tears, he’s crying.

Tubbo is crying.

“I- th-they... they pushed me straight into that massive puddle by the science building. The drain doesn’t work and they knew that. All my papers and shit are ruined! I don’t know what to do Tommy! I don’t want to do this anymore!” Tubbo cries. It seems like Tubbo has reached his breaking point as well. 

Tommy pulls the brunette into a tight hug. He let’s Tubbo sob into his shoulder and grip him incredibly tight. 

“Tub...” the name dies on his tongue. Tommy decides to just quietly reassure and comfort his best friend. They stood there for a long moment, the school was empty by this time, but if anyone were to see, they didn’t care at all. Fuck reputation, these two friends need each other right now.

“Are those guys still in the school right now?” Tommy asks quietly. Tubbo nods into the taller’s shoulder, but the former doesn’t question it at all. Tommy knows what he’s going to do. Tubbo wouldn’t want him to do this. He wouldn’t want Tommy to risk himself to defend him. But something needs to be done

Once Tubbo calms down, he pulls away from the embrace, wiping his tears and sniffling. Tommy doesn’t care one bit that his shirt is a little wet now.

“You feeling better Tubbo?”

Tubbo nods giving a weak smile.

“Thanks Tommy, I really needed that. But I really have to go now. I want to get out these clothes as soon as possible. Are you walking home today?” Tubbo asks.

“My da- Phil’s picking me up today, I really wish I could go with you,” Tommy lies, he has things to attend to. Tubbo just smiles.

“Okay, I’ll see you later Tommy. Call me later, please?” Tubbo’s eyes are wide almost pleading.

“Of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Tommy grins. 

Tubbo looks less tense at the response. The two say their goodbyes before splitting up for the day.

Tommy stands still for a few seconds thinking of what he’s going to do now. Tubbo nodded his head when he said those assholes were still on campus. And Tommy isn’t going to let them continue torturing Tubbo. Not if he can help it. Tommy takes a breath.

And starts heading towards the science building where it apparently all went down. As he walked along the the school campus he saw from a distance the science building and the massive puddle that was by it. Tommy stepped closer to it and peered down into the murky water. The school really needed to check this out, it actually is fairly deep. And it makes people opportunistic to hurt people with. Tommy frowns at he water, he could hardly see his own reflection. But if he could see a clear image of himself he’d look furious. Tommy looks around the area in search of them.

They weren’t here exactly, they probably didn’t want to stick around and get caught for their behavior. But that made Tommy notice the footsteps of water leaving the puddle in the direction Tommy went. It’s Tubbo’s. Poor guy. 

Tommy shakes his head gently, they should still be around here. 

Tommy takes to looking around as best as he can. Tubbo has given a description of the boys doing this to him in the past. And he has also pointed them out in a crowd once. Tommy made sure not to forget. 

It took a few minutes of hopeless searching for his eyes to fall on a familiar group of teens. It was them. One hundred percent. They were standing in a rather secluded area of the school. 

Tommy looks on from a distance. This is it, he’s going to fight one of them. There was a main culprit in the group, someone named Devon. He was the one perpetuating the bullying the most. So he’s going to throw hands with that asshat. Tommy’s fists tighten.

A horrible feeling washes over him, a feeling of odd excitement. This is going to be crazy. A checkmark on his adrenaline junkie bucket list. Get into a fist fight. 

This makes him think back to when Tommy and one of his friends were talking in class. And they were talking about the intense shit they want to do in life to make it actually worth it. One of those things was the adrenaline high of a fight. Having the anxiety of getting incredibly injured. But that’s the thing, you can get out unscathed if you’re good enough. It’s a thrill. Will he get the shit beaten out of him or will he be victorious. But Tommy remembers making a deal with him. One that was still in effect. If neither of the boys, Tommy and his friend, were to get into a fight in school. They would fight each other their senior year as a fuck it all moment. Well, he’s going to have to explain to his friend that the deal is off now. He’s going to do this.

At least, he thinks he is. What would his family say? What would Wilbur say? Fight with your words instead of your fist or something like that. Phil wouldn’t want Tommy to get into an altercation at all. And Techno, well, Techno would want Tommy to beat them in a fight. Will they be upset that he’s doing this? They probably don’t want to have to deal with a bruised, bloody, and battered kid. He’s causing too much trouble, his brothers are tired of putting up the facade of caring about him. They don’t have to continue playing that demented role, they don’t want to deal with a teen who almost gets himself killed every other week.

Whatever, if Tommy gets hurt, he decides, he’ll just hide the injuries. No one will have to know. He doesn’t have to be the annoying little brother anymore. 

Tommy feels the excitement and fury mixing together. He’s being selfish, he thinks, a little bit. But at the same time, he’s getting retribution for his friend. Something he’s wanted for the longest time.

Tommy walks over to the group, they stop their conversations and look at the blond. Good thing, Tommy towers of the others.

One of the guys in particular approaches Tommy. It’s Devon.

“The fuck you want?” Devon sneers. 

“You know why I’m here dickhead. Stop messing with Tubbo,” Tommy takes a step forward. 

“Oh that guy. What are you, his boyfriend or something?” Devon laughs and his friends follow along.

“Hilarious, that was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard,” Tommy deadpans crossing his arms. “I’m just a friend sticking up for a friend. You wouldn’t get that would you?”

“Shut the fuck up and leave. I’m tired of looking at your dumbass,” Devon growls, shoving Tommy back.

“Not gonna happen shorty. You’re going to leave Tubbo the hell alone. Or I’ll kick the shit out of you.” Tommy threatens, sick of all the useless talk.

“Yeah? You? Don’t make me laugh,” Devon cackles. “I’d like to see you try.”

With that last sentence from Devon, the shorter threw a punch at Tommy. And the fight broke out. 

Devon’s friends tried to help him, but he refused. Wanting to fight Tommy alone.

They fought for a few minutes, until Tommy somehow became victorious. Devon stayed on the ground refusing to get up. Tommy smiles although his entire body hurt. 

Blood dripped from his nose and split lip. His chest and stomach aches from the amount of kicks and punches sustained. Yet, through all this, Tommy was still standing.

Devon glared up at Tommy, he had similar injuries. “Fuck you.”

“That’s all you got? No creative insults? Huh? Don’t like karma? If you have any sort of brain in that empty head of yours, you would have learned to stay in your own lane. And to leave Tubbo and everyone else you bully alone,” Tommy feels powerful for once in his life. This must be how Techno feels. 

Devon doesn’t say anything but he and his friends look pissed. Tommy just decided to leave but not before spitting out blood onto the floor as one last fuck you. 

Tommy finds himself in one of the schools bathrooms. So much for trying to hide his injuries. He cleans up the blood as best as he can. Using toilet paper from the stalls, running it under water and dabbing it at his wounds. 

He feels so much pain, but his brain feels happy? 

He actually just did that. He just got into his first fist fight and he won. He’s stronger than he originally thought. Tommy thought of himself as kind of a physical weakling yet this proved to be false. 

He can’t wait to tell Tubbo about this. He should be happy that they won’t mess with him anymore. There’s no reason for Tubbo be upset right?

His family may be annoyed and Tommy will try his hardest to hide it. He’s going to avoid everyone and delay the inevitable. He’s going to have to walk home and face the music. But for now Tommy can wait for a moment.

That was... surprisingly fun. Not the hurting another person, even if he did deserve it. Tommy made sure not to actually hurt the other guy. Tommy probably took the worst of the fight, yet he had the strength to get back up while Devon did not.

No, what was fun was the adrenaline rush. The wounds Tommy has don’t bother him much at all. They’re almost like a showing of what he was able to endure. It’s awful to think that and Tommy knows. But he can’t help but be excited to see where his next scar will end up. 

Tommy’s scared of himself at times. 

When Tommy makes it home, Phil greets him with a call from the kitchen. Tommy calls back a simple response before fleeing into his room. The second the boy makes it he closes the door. He drops his backpack and collapses onto his bed. The boy lets his eyes fall shut for a moment, breathing in carefully. 

An exhaustion settles into his bones making him lay unmoving. Devon hurt him more than he originally thought. His nose had stopped bleeding awhile ago, and so did his split lip. But his nose is still red and beginning to bruise. And his lip is still very visibly busted. But his hands, his knuckles, ache and are raw. His body felt heavy. It must be from laying down, his body is finally getting the chance to relax and truly asses the damage he experienced. He never wants to stand up again, his ribs hurt too much.

It’s quiet and Tommy lays curled up in a ball on his bed, not caring that the light is off. He faces the wall, the opposite direction to the door to his room. Tommy wiggles and maneuvers himself under his covers. He was still fully dressed in his clothes but yet again, he didn’t mind at all. 

The blond felt himself slowly drifting off to sleep. But his eyes shot back open when he heard his door slowly crack open.

It’s silent.

But then he hears gentle footfalls leading to his bed. The mattress dips ever so slightly as someone sits on it. 

Tommy tries to feign sleep, hoping that his face is obscured by the angle and darkness that surrounds him. A hand is placed on his head carefully. It took everything in Tommy not to flinch at the contact as he didn’t expect it. The person, obviously one of his brothers, sigh softly.

“Poor Toms, you’re always working yourself to the bone huh? Must be exhausted. I hope this nap will be restful for you, you really need this,” Phil’s voice whispers so quietly, Tommy nearly misses the words being spoken. 

Tommy doesn’t know why, he can’t fathom a reason as to why this happens. But he begins shaking a little bit. A slight tremor that washes over his whole body. He can’t stop and he fears being caught by his father figure.

But that doesn’t happen. What happens makes Tommy’s heart melt with comfort.

“Aww, Tommy. It’s okay, you’re alright. Just a bad dream is all,” Phil hushes in such a way that only an older brother or father can do.

Phil thinks that Tommy’s having a nightmare and honestly, it isn’t the farthest form the truth. The situation is a nightmare. He’s terrified to find out their reactions to his injuries. It’s going to be the worst. He’ll be kicked out for sure. Tommy needs this, even if he can never find the words to ask for the comfort. 

Tommy finds himself settling, the shaking disappears. And he feels himself starting to drift off again. Taking very slow and deep breaths. He may not be able to see Phil, but he knows the older is smiling. He can sense it. 

The teen is seconds away from sleep and the last thing he feels before letting the world of the dead claim him. Is a gentle kiss being placed on the top of his head.

Tommy slowly wakes up, his brain foggy. Tommy turns and looks at the ceiling with bleary eyes. His body feels worse, the ache has developed into genuine pain. 

His room is even darker, it may be night. The teen looks around for his phone and finds it in his pocket. He looks at the small device and his suspicions were correct. It’s a lot later into the night, it should be dinner time soon. Maybe he can skip dinner under the guise of being tired. Which wouldn’t be a total lie. Tommy doesn’t get much time to think about it as his door is pushed open again. 

Tommy looks over and sees one of his older brothers, Techno.

“Hey Tommy? You awake?” Techno’s voice is soft and quiet. Tommy stretches before sitting up in his bed and facing down, rubbing his eyes. Again, it’s too dark for the pink haired man to see Tommy’s beat up face.

“Mhmm,” Tommy hums.

“Oh good, Phil says dinner’s almost ready and he wants to make sure you eat or whatever. So come downstairs,” Techno tells the younger boy.

“I’ll be down in a minute,” Tommy says and Techno nods before leaving the blond alone. 

Tommy doesn’t have any choice now, they’re going to see his bruised visage. But what will they think? Nothing good surely.

Tommy slowly stands up, everything hurt. He hobbles over to the light switch in his room and he flips it on. His room illuminates and makes his eyes squint, not used to the bright lights. The teen looks over at himself in the mirror that’s attached to the closet door. His nose is coated in an array of deep purples and blues, his lip is worn and red. His hair is a complete mess and his clothes tattered. He frowns at himself, he can’t hide can he?

Maybe, just maybe he can try to cover himself up. Tommy ends up pulling an oversized hoodie over his head. It’s not his, he doesn’t remember who it belongs to exactly. He puts the hood up over his head and makes it hang low in his face. This isn’t gonna work at all, but it’s worth a try.

Tommy shuffles over to his bedroom door and heads out into the hallway. He takes each step down stairs as carefully and slowly as he can. Delay. Delay. Delay.

He takes the last step and walks into the kitchen with his head down. He plops down into his seat, avoiding the three pairs of eyes looking at him. 

“Uh, Tommy?” Phil asks the younger blonde. Tommy doesn’t respond, keeping his gaze towards his lap.

“You okay buddy?” Wilbur is the one to speak next, he places a hand on Tommy’s shoulder as he’s sitting closest to the teen. Tommy just nods his head and shrugs the kind gesture off. 

“What’s the matter Tommy? Talk to us,” Wilbur’s voice is just too kind, it hurts Tommy more than his injuries.

“I’m fine,” Tommy bites out. “I’m just not in the mood right now. Leave me alone.”

It goes silent as the three older brother’s share a look over the dinner table. Varying levels of concern can be seen. The food that’s placed on the table and in front of each person is almost completely forgotten about. Tommy being more important at the moment. 

They were at a lost to their youngest brother’s behavior. Of course the blonde has always been snarky and on the more bold and rude side. But he doesn’t act in the way that he is unless he was genuinely upset about something. Of which he definitely is.

Tommy hears the sound of a chair sliding against the floor and someone walking over to him. 

Just barely in the corner of his eye, Tommy sees Phil crouch down next to his seat. The older quietly reassured Tommy that it’s alright. And that whatever’s going on with him will be okay, he just needs to tell them what’s wrong. Tommy doesn’t say anything for a long moment. 

“Tommy, I want you to look at me okay? Let me see you,” Phil says sternly yet unbelievably softly. Tommy wants to say no, get up from the table and flee back up to his room. Yet, here he is looking down at his father figure. The older man gasps in horror and rises back up. He maneuvers Tommy’s body to face him, he pushes the hood off his head and Phil cups the boy’s face in his hands. Like he always does. It’s so warm. 

“Jesus Christ, what happened? Who did this to you Toms?” Phil frets. By this point, Techno and Wilbur have both risen from their seats and viewed the damage. They move over to their little brother’s side, unknowing of what to do or say. Leaving it to the father of the group.

“Some asshole at school. It’s not a big deal Phil,” Tommy frowns. 

“Not a big deal? Not a big deal?! Tommy, you look like you were hit by a fucking bus,” Phil exclaims while turning the teens head carefully in his hands so he can examine his pseudo son’s wounds better.

“I’m fine! I’m fine. I’m alive aren’t I?” Tommy argues. Phil sighs and looks up over Tommy’s head to Techno. And all it takes is a tilt of the head and Techno’s off getting a first aid kit and other things they may need. Wilbur remains, needing something to do as the anger of Tommy getting hurt at the hands of someone at his school, pisses him off beyond no end. Phil looks at the curly haired brunette and makes a simple hand gesture that has Wilbur going through the kitchen with the objective of making hot chocolate. It’s weird telepathy that doesn’t make any sense to Tommy. 

“Tommy. You may be alive, but I can’t stand seeing you hurt. We, can’t stand seeing you hurt,” Phil tries to explain.

“Why are you upset? Aren’t you just annoyed you have to deal with me? As long as I’m alive, my health shouldn’t concern you.”

It goes silent in the kitchen. Wilbur’s shuffling and searching for chocolate, mugs, and milk go quiet. Nothing moves for awhile.

Before.

“What?” It’s a shaky exhale from Phil. That breaks the thick silence of the room.

“Is that what you think? Are you- Jesus- Tommy! You thick headed idiot! We aren’t upset that we have to patch you up and care for you! We’re upset that you got hurt in the first place! You don’t deserve pain or suffering! We love you! You’re our little brother! It’s taking us everything in our willpower to not beat the shit out the guy who did this to you,” Phil hopes his point lands home, he really does. Phil’s speech seems very reminiscent of the words spoken to him by Wilbur after the train incident. It’s weird, that they seem to think the same thing. It can’t be a coincidence, it can’t.

“Phil-“ Tommy was cut off as Techno returned with the first aid kit in his grasp. The red eyed man places the red box onto the table and opens it. Techno peers down at Tommy with a critical eye.

“I’m going to have to clean that cut on your lip,” Techno says as he acquires antiseptic and a cotton pad. He applies the cleansing liquid to the pad and raises it to Tommy’s lip. “It might hurt a bit.”

The small warning is said as he pushes the cloth into his lip. It stings and hurts, yet Tommy only flinches the slightest bit. 

Once Techno’s done with that he pulls back and again goes back to analyzing. Tommy sweats under his older brother's strict gaze.

“Before I deal with your nose, are there any other injuries I should know about?” Techno questions with squinted eyes.

“My chest I guess? It’s a little sore but I don’t think anything’s broken, just bruised,” Tommy answers honestly, making Techno nod his head in understanding.

“Okay, there isn’t anything I can do about that other than ice it down, which I’ll force you to do in a minute. I need to check your nose to see how bad it is,” Techno gently pokes and prods Tommy’s bruised nose and the teen winces and his features pinch at times. “You can breathe through your nose right? And it doesn’t hurt?”

Tommy inhales and exhales just fine, that’s good. He nods and offers a weak smile.

“That’s good. You’ll just need to ice your injuries to help reduce swelling. But besides that, my job is done. But kid, I really have to know what happened,” Techno says his monotone voice picking up an air of concern.

“We have to know,” Phil buts in after staying silent the whole time. 

“Yeah, Tommy, tell us everything,” Wilbur agrees as he finishes up the hot chocolates, handing one to Tommy first, then Techno, Phil, and then keeping one for himself. Tommy grasps the hot drink with both hands, he stares down into the brown liquid and lets the warmth waft up into his face.

“There's this group of kids at school who have been giving Tubbo a hard time. They did something to him today that crossed the line so I confronted them. The weird leader of their group threw a punch first and we ended up fighting,” Tommy explains quietly then taking a sip of the sweet drink.

“As much as I want to be furious with you, I’m proud of you for sticking up for you friend. That’s very admirable,” Wilbur smiles at the blonde. 

“I agree one hundred percent. But I just wish you didn’t have to risk yourself to protect Tubbo,” Phil sighs. “I don’t like seeing you so beaten up, you shouldn’t have to take that kind of responsibility. How about you tell a teacher or something at school about what’s been going on?”

“I think we all know schools are awful at protecting students from bullying,” Tommy frowns.

“God, of course I know that. But I think if they know they’re actually physically hurting students and shit. They are obligated to step in right?” Phil asks.

“I mean, I guess that’s true. Tubbo and I can go to the principal and tell him about it,” Tommy shrugs. 

“That’d be the best course of action right now,” Wilbur nods along to what Phil and Tommy are saying. Techno just listens in as talking and feelings isn’t his forte.

“What we want you to learn from this Tommy is that we aren’t upset with you. However, we don’t like how willing you are to throw yourself into danger. I really hate bringing this up, but you’ve been showing some. Interesting behavior recently. It’s been getting a little worrying, I’m not going to lie. You really need to start thinking if the things you attempt are worth it. Think about the way your family and friends will feel about it okay? Because I guarantee Tubbo isn’t going to be that happy you got the shit kicked out of you. Just know that we care and want the best for you, okay Tommy?” Phil lectures Tommy, more like explains. 

“Okay, Phil. I’ll try to put more thought into my actions,” Tommy concedes, looking Phil in the eyes bravely.

“Thank you for understanding Tommy,” Phil gives the boy a side hug and ruffles his hair.

“This has been incredibly fun and all and I’m happy we could resolve this. But what about dinner?” Wilbur couldn’t keep the wry smile out of his voice.

“Asshole,” Tommy mutters but he’s smiling as well.

“Well, I could reheat the food if you guys want. Then maybe we can watch a movie together if you aren’t busy?” Phil suggests.

The three younger boys are quick to give their affirmation. A relaxing evening is what they all need.

The four boys all pile onto the couch after Tommy picks a movie. Their stomachs are full of Phil’s amazing dinner and soft expressions take on all their faces. Tommy finds himself squished between Techno and Phil, with Wilbur just next to Phil. 

As the movie begins to play, Tommy’s lulled into an immense sense of comfort that has him leaning into Techno more and more. The ice pack splayed on his chest just barely staying where it should be. But Tommy doesn’t care.

Techno throws an arm around his younger brother and pulls him closer. Phil leans back into the couch, sleep catching up to him. Wilbur lays with his head on Phil’s leg comfortably. The two are hardly awake.

It’s quiet besides the soft sounds droning on from the movie being played. The four find it difficult to follow along as they grow more sleepy. 

Tommy is about to drift off into dreamland before Techno whispers a quiet question to him. 

“Did you win?” 

And Tommy obviously knew what the older was asking, with a cheeky grin the boy looks up at his pink haired older brother and says.

“Little bitch didn’t stand a chance.”

Something inside Tommy changed that day, a lot of conflicting information rang inside his head. He didn’t know which voice in his mind to believe. 

Tommy still found himself yearning to follow the call of the void just like always. But now there was another alarm in his head asking what the people in his life would think. Because as much as Tommy struggles to believe, people care about him. It’s still shocking he still has a hard time believing it.

But there are people in his life that are willing to give a shit even when they don’t have to. They allow themselves to be worried about the blond teen and get scared when he hurts himself. 

It’s mind boggling.

He’s waiting for the day that they tell him it’s all been a lie, that there’s some sort of outside source making them do the things they do.

But he’s content for the time, feeling love radiating off those closest to him makes life feel a little more worth it. Even if it’s just a tiny amount. He’ll still have his ups and downs for sure. That may never change, yet he allows himself to be loved even if it’s for a short amount of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> This chapter ended up being longer than originally planned which made me really happy! I hope you guys liked this as it was fun to write. And if you’re wondering the whole Tommy making that fighting deal with his friend is based off of my life. The bets probably still on, so I guess I’ll see. Have a great day everyone! Someone cares about you, I promise!


	5. V. Knowing You’ll Surely Come For Me, Waiting Until The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS- Nothing bad actually happens but there are parts where Tommy has some very dark thoughts and I want you as the reader to be safe. I would advise you to skip this if your sensitive to this sort of subject. I hope to see you later!

After everything that Tommy has done recently. After all the heartfelt conversations between him and his family. After all the times his family has told him that they cared. You’d think he wouldn’t be in this situation. You’d think he’d learn.

You’d think he wouldn’t be sitting on the edge of a bridge with his legs dangling off. Calm waters shifting and waving below.

The moon shines over the world around him, as it’s around two in the morning. If someone were to ask him why he’s out here at this time of night, he wouldn’t be able to give a coherent answer.

He had a sudden urge a few hours ago. A need to do something. A need to do something exciting, interesting. Something to get his heart racing.

So he did the most obvious thing, he grabbed his backpack, his phone, opened his window and climbed out of it. He snuck out. 

He snuck out and wandered aimlessly for a while before stumbling across this bridge. This bridge is practically empty at this time, hardly any cars driving by. Tommy has only counted about three for the past few hours. 

Once Tommy was sure not a soul would drive by, he climbed on the ledge and looked down. His feet swinging back and forth, wind gently blowing through his hair, and earbuds put in his ears and playing calm music.

To most people, sneaking out of the house late at night is a rush. And that’s what Tommy was expecting and wanting. But here he is with a peaceful feeling and a relaxed heartbeat. He could almost fall asleep if it weren’t for an uncomfortable sitting position. Tommy takes deep, full breaths. 

The music he listens to adds to the lovely cacophony of peace and comfort. Tommy listens to a song that his older brother made, Saline Solution. A song off Wilbur’s album, Your City Gave Me Asthma. Wilbur hasn’t publicly posted his music, the blond’s not sure if the other ever will. Tommy, Phil, and Techno suggest the curly brunette to release his music but he alway says that one day he will. It’s been a lot of one days. 

But not that Tommy would ever admit it, but Wilbur’s music helps him more than he’d ever have the courage to say. 

The gentle strums, the beautiful vocals, it’s placing a metaphorical blanket over Tommy’s shoulders.

Tommy turns away from the edge of the bridge and slides off, landing on the walkway. Tommy pauses before coming up with an idea. He rests his hands on the ledge and hoists himself back up, but this time he doesn’t sit down. He stands up on it. The teen walks along this bridge, his hands outstretched as an attempt of maintaining balance. He places one foot in front of the other and walks along.

The weight of his backpack.

The feeling of the oversized jacket on his shoulders.

His black jeans added protection from the cold.

His shoes he sloppily threw on in his rush to leave.

Tommy found himself paying attention to. Every. Little. Thing.

He couldn’t help it, his heart remained slow. He should be feeling something by standing on the edge of pure uncertainty. 

One trip.

One slip. 

A strong gust of wind.

All these possibilities of being sent over the edge of this bridge into the waters below.

But what if...

He wants the thrill.

He really does.

This isn’t enough.

Sneaking out. Nothing.

Walking around in the dead of night. Nothing.

Dangling on the edge of the bridge. Nothing.

He needs something, anything. The void in his chest demands to be filled. 

Tommy’s tightrope act is cut short and stops. He faces outward towards the edge. What if he...

What if he jumped off into the deep waters below? 

He knew he wouldn’t die, the bridge isn’t tall enough for it to be dangerous in that way. It is actually a common place for daredevils in their town to go diving into. He’s seen it. And he wants to join.

His body is screaming. He wants to jump in. 

He wants to ignore the surely freezing, dark, deep, and dangerous water. But it’s like it’s calling him. 

If he’s lucky, he’ll freeze to death with hypothermia the second he submerged.

Wait.

What?

Why’d he think that?

Tommy’s backpack slips from his shoulders and lands on the ground behind him, he drops his phone along with it. 

It’s fine.

He doesn’t want to die.

He’ll jump in, swim to the shore, laugh about the experience then come back for his stuff. Simple, easy as that.

He can even head home immediately after that, nobody will ever know this happened.

He trusts himself to keep himself safe and alive.

Or does he?

What if he allows himself to be devoured by the black looking water. Consumed by his dangerous thoughts.

No.

No wait.

He doesn’t want this.

Why is he thinking like this?

He doesn’t want to die, that’s never been the goal. His family will be devastated.

His family will be hurt.

Won’t they? They’ve told him countless times. He needs to listen, he needs to believe it.

Phil, Techno, Wilbur, Tubbo. They’ll miss him. They don’t deserve pain because of him and his adrenaline junkie actions. 

Tommy’s blank gaze shatters and his eyes widen. He gasps and falls backwards flat on his back.

Tommy gets the wind knocked out of him as he lays on the ground next to his backpack. He tries to catch his breath, tears appearing in his eyes. 

Yet they don’t fall. He just can’t. He feels pathetic even when he really shouldn’t.

He’s safe and sound. He made the right choice and kept himself safe. He ignored the thoughts and did what was right.

Tommy sits up, his back sore. He picks his backpack back up and shoves his phone and earbuds inside. Tommy tosses his bag on and starts heading back home. It’s the only thing on his mind. 

He begins slowly, taking each step thoughtfully. But the events that just took place ring louder and louder in his head. More tears spring in his eyes. 

He picks up the pace, jogging. 

Then he ends up running as fast as he could home. 

Feet pounding against concrete. Not a care for anybody that could see him. It may have looked sketchy seeing a tall teenager dressed in all black sprinting somewhere. But that’s the least of his attention right now.

The second his house is in sight, he rips open the front door. He doesn’t give a shit that his brothers can catch him at any moment now. And they would know he snuck out, but he doesn’t care right now. He quickly starts up the stairs and into his room, where he tosses his bag to the side uncaring for his phone for some reason.

Tommy looks up and notices that his window is still open. As he had to climb his way down with no way of closing it behind him. Tommy goes over to the open window and slides it closed, the cool draft being filtered through being cut off when the click of the window closing could be heard.

The teen kicks his shoes off and collapses face first into his bed. He doesn’t move and fights for sleep. He wants to forget this night. He never wants to be reminded of such a dark period in his life. He’s thought this a thousand times over, he’s scared of himself. He’s done some crazy things over the past few weeks, almost feeling out of control of his body. Like he’s a ghost trailing behind his physical body watching as it acts and moves as it pleased. Tommy has gotten himself needlessly injured and nearly killed more times than any human being should in their average life. He doesn’t want to do this anymore.

He tosses and turns for however long. Sleep never overtakes him.

He pauses, staring at his ceiling. He’s tired of being alone in his mind. He’s tired of being alone in general. His family is just down the hall and he just has to gain the courage to ask for help. He needs help no matter how much he usually refuses it. 

Tommy sits up with a plan. He rises from his bed and tosses on some random pajamas and heads out his room. 

Tommy creeps down the hallway and stands at the closed door of his first victim.

Wilbur.

The blond considers knocking, but the older is definitely asleep and that would just be weird. So instead he places his hand atop the doorknob and pushes the door open. Tommy could hardly see anything in the darkened room. 

He takes careful steps, avoiding anything that might be laying on the floor, and stands at the side of his older brother's bed. 

He pauses, embarrassment overcoming him. This is childish isn’t it? This whole plan is. He feels like a little child needing comfort after a nightmare. But he needs to push forward. He needs comfort. For the first time he allows himself to acknowledge it.

Tommy reaches forward and carefully shakes his older brother's shoulder. It takes a few seconds but the brunette makes a soft sound of waking and his eyes open. 

“Wha- who?” Wilbur sits up and reaches around haphazardly for the switch to his lamp, flicking it on and grabbing his glasses which are perched on his nightstand as well. He puts the circle framed glasses on and looks up at his younger brother, squinting tiredly.

“Tommy?” Wilbur whispers. “What are you doing up bud?

Tommy just looks at Wilbur with a saddened expression. He couldn’t keep himself from hiding his emotions. 

Wilbur shuffles so his legs are off his bed and he’s facing Tommy.

“What’s the matter?” Wilbur takes on a look of concern. He’s been wearing that mask too much recently, Tommy thinks somberly.

“You’re scaring me a little Toms, you okay? I need to know,” Wilbur frets.

Tommy shakes his head, refusing to talk. It’s so uncharacteristic for Tommy to do, but his words feel like they're caught in his throat. He can’t. 

“Tommy? Did you have a nightmare?” The older man takes a stab in the dark. Tommy makes a quick choice, Wilbur doesn’t need to know what’s actually upsetting him right now. So Tommy just nods. Wilbur makes a sound of pity but before he could actually say anything Tommy speaks.

“Can you come with me please?” Tommy pleads reaching out a hand to his older brother. Wilbur tilts his head in confusion. 

“Where?”

“On an adventure.”

“Adventure?”

Tommy nods and keeps his hand extended. Wilbur smiles and rolls his eyes. He takes his little brother's hand and allows himself to be pulled up. But even when Wilbur gets to his feet, Tommy doesn’t let go of his hand. 

Tommy leads Wilbur out of his room and down the hall to the room next to it. 

Techno’s room.

Tommy pushes open the door with his free hand and the two walk inside the room. 

Tommy lets go of Wilbur’s hand and goes over to Techno’s bed. This time, however, Tommy reaches over and turns on the lamp and illuminates the room. 

But Techno stays asleep, a cute pig eye mask keeping all light out.

Tommy pokes Techno’s face. He doesn’t get a response.

The blond pokes again, pulling the eye mask up, revealing the pink haired man’s closed eyes. 

Wilbur approaches Tommy and helps out. The two poking both of Techno’s cheeks until finally he huffs an annoyed breath. Red eyes open and glare daggers at the other two in the room. 

“It’s too late for this shit, what do you want?” Techno grumbles, rubbing his eyes exhaustedly.

Wilbur looks down at Tommy looking for some type of permission to explain what’s going on. Tommy nods and looks down silently.

“We’re here for a reason, Tech. Tommy had a nightmare and needs us right now,” Wilbur looks back at Techno as Tommy nods his head rapidly. 

Techno seems to soften at this. He looks from Wilbur to the youngest in the room. “You okay kid? Wanna talk about it?”

“I’m okay and... I really don’t want to talk about it,” Tommy fidgets with his hands as he lies, hoping he isn’t caught.

“That’s fine Tommy, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Techno sympathies.

“So what’s the plan Toms?” Wilbur turns to Tommy. “Do you want to watch a movie movie or something?”

“I actually have an idea. I said we were going on an adventure didn’t I? It’s not over yet. And Techno you’re coming with us,” Tommy smiles and grasps Wilbur’s hand again reaching his free hand to Techno. Techno looks at the hand and sighs, taking the hand. 

Tommy stands in the middle of his two older brothers, hand in hand as they head to their final destination. They go back out into the hallway to stand in front of Phil’s door. 

Wilbur is the one to push the door open and the three walk inside. Techno flicks on the light overhead. 

Phil immediately wakes up to the light. Phil was the lightest sleeper as he was the father of the small group. He had this natural inclination to protect those around him quickly, so he garnered the ability to sense danger immediately in the night.

“Guys? What’re you all doing up?” Phil asks, worry building, seeing his practical children all awake so late at night coming to his room.

“I had a nightmare,” Tommy lies, his voice shaky as he looks up pleadingly at Phil. The unspoken question is obvious to everyone in the room.

“Aw, Tommy, come here,” Phil coos softly and Tommy lets go of his brother’s hands and crawls onto the bed. The blond pauses for a second. Thinking if he deserves this comfort, if he even needs it in the first place. 

Yes. It’s about damn time.

Tommy collapses into his father’s arms. Phil cradles the boy and rubs his back soothingly. Techno and Wilbur stand awkwardly, shock evident in their faces as they’ve never seen their little brother so openly vulnerable. Tommy lifts his head from where it was buried in Phil’s chest, he looks at the other two at the door and gestures his head in an obvious way. 

Techno and Wilbur look at each other for a second, wondering if they're too old for this but deciding. Hey fuck it. Techno turns the light back off and the two scramble onto the bed to join the rest of their little family.

Techno lays beside Phil and Wilbur beside Tommy. Tommy is still being held in Phil’s arms and it isn’t clear when he’s planning on letting go. And Tommy doesn’t care. He feels safe. 

Everyone cuddles close, it feels so warm and safe for everyone. The late night seems to catch up on them, feeling more and more tired as each second goes by. 

As Phil plays with the teens hair in such a fatherly way, Tommy feels a pang well up in his chest. A sadness he couldn’t describe.

And for some reason, one Tommy would be way too embarrassed to say aloud. He starts crying.

Tommy hasn’t shed tears in awhile, finding himself unable recently. But now, cuddled up close to the most important people in his life. The people who taught him that his life matters. Being with them makes him finally crumble. 

Tears fall at a rapid speed, and the boy chokes on his sobs. 

Phil gasps quietly and only hugs the boy closer, softly shushing him. 

“Shh... shhh.. it’s okay Toms. You’re okay, your brothers are right beside you. We aren’t ever going to leave you,” Phil comforts the crying child. Tommy tries his best to control his cries, it’s been awhile. Everything that’s been bottled up for who knows how long is finally being expelled. 

More words of comfort are exchanged and tight hugs. 

Wilbur cuddles in closer and begins to hum ever so softly. The calm sound making Tommy’s sobs quiet down to hiccups and sniffles. He even feels techno reach out and rest a hand on the boy’s arm. 

Tommy calms down and his eyes begin dropping shut, he fights valiantly to stay awake.

But the combined comfort of Techno’s gentle gesture, Phil’s warm embrace, and Wilbur’s soft humming has Tommy losing the battle. His eyes fall shut and he hears his brothers say something.

“Get some sleep Toms, we can talk in the morning okay? We love you Tommy,” Phil.

“You’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep, child. Goodnight, lil brother,” Wilbur. 

“Night Tommy, don’t let the bed bugs bite,” Techno.

Just as Tommy was about to drift off, he forces himself to do one more thing. 

“G’night, I love you guys, thank you for everything,” Tommy mumbles before completely passing out leaving his smiling, fond brothers behind.

They all fell asleep shortly after.

They really were some sleepy boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short and sweet chapter to end this story of mine! I want to thank all of you for reading, commenting, leaving kudos, and just sticking around. It means more than I could ever express. And just so you know, I have been feeling better. This fic really helped me in organizing and cleaning my thoughts. It’s been a lot of fun! Now this isn’t the complete end, I’m going to write other one shots and short stories with these guys soon. It won’t follow this exact premise but they will be really angsty and will have way too much hurt/comfort. I hope you guys check that out when I post it. Thanks again, you’re all lovely! Just remember that someone cares about you! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is really weird, it’s purely self indulgent and I decided to start off light. The first chapter being very digestible, and not too dark. Things will get worse though, Tommy will do actually dangerous things for the hell of it. I have a few ideas but I wouldn’t mind hearing your ideas! And mostly, is this even good? Like, is this interesting or is it too weird? If it is I’ll probably delete it, however if you like it, please let me know. I love reading comments for suggestions and criticism so if you want to, that’d be greatly appreciated! Thanks for spending your time here! Have a great day everyone! Someone cares about you! <3


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